Info About Pancreatic Cancer & Why It Sucks
An article I found on EndoNurse.com sums up perfectly the overall crapiness of Pancreatic Cancer:
Despite its ranking as the fourth leading cause of cancer death in the U.S., federal research funding on pancreatic cancer topped out last year at $66 million, or 1 percent of the National Cancer Institute’s $4.825 billion budget. A diagnosis of pancreatic cancer can be especially grim and frightening to patients and their loved ones, as the odds of recovery or remission are very low. The one-year mortality rate is a staggering 99 percent and the five-year survival rate is just four percent. Due to the lack of early diagnostic tools that could enable doctors to catch and treat the cancer before it spreads, and because of the limited number of treatment options available, more than 32,000 Americans died from pancreatic cancer in 2005. An additional 33,730 patients will be diagnosed in 2006. (link)
December 17, 2006 at 6:22 am
I fucking hate pancreatic cancer. I lost the closest person i ever had. The only person i could hug and feel comforable. The only person who i could drive with while having no destination to reach. I talked about my problems while she talked about hers. That person was my mom. A person who did nothing but try to help anyone she came across. The gayest part of all is that im only 16. I could have had so much more time with her… I makes me believe in the saying “Bad things happen to good people”.
February 23, 2007 at 5:02 am
PC is the WORST cancer ever! it took my mom from me in a day, she was completely healty one day, the next she was in the hospital and never came back to herself. She suffered for 6 months. People tell me, well, at least you didn’t lose her in an accident, you had time with her. I have to totally disagree. I know she loved me, I would’ve, if I knew of course, would’ve rather never seen her suffer like she did.
I miss her tons and just lost my dad 2 weeks ago. I”m so glad I know they’re dancing away in heaven together!
April 25, 2007 at 11:07 pm
Yes pancreatic is so horrible. I just had my son in October and found out early December that my dad had been dx with PC. He had just retired and moved out to Colorado to be around his family. He had no clue the pain he was going through was cancer he thought he was having problems with his stomach again. He was a big guy, but had just lost weight due to his diabetes. It was really hard to see him in pain and so helpless, I have never seen him that way. He had one chemo treatment in December and then was hospitalized 3 days later as the cancer had spread into his lungs. They put him on a ventilator and never came too again. He was gone Jan 4th after we decided to take him off life support. All I hear is well at least it took him fast and he did not have to suffer long. We just felt cheated we thought we had more time not 3 weeks.
Miss you dad- sorry I could not help you.
August 7, 2007 at 11:50 pm
I lost my grandfather to PC. I miss him very much. he was diagnosed and then four days later gone. It happened so fast, i had so much that i would’ve liked to say, but it won’t happen now. I believe that he is somewhere better now smiling down on me. I look forward to seeing him one day. I love you Grandpa.
P.S. Thx for the word blog.
August 19, 2007 at 1:18 am
My dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer on April 13,2007 and died June 13,2007. My dad fought as hard as he could. He never cried or complained, he fought. The worst part about it was I never got a goodbye because once it took over it took over. My dad was never the same again and he even looked different. I came home from the day to the last day of school having my mom tell me that my dad only had a couple of hours to days left. It was the worst thing I have ever had to see. I will never forget one thing about those last 2 days. As David said I fucking hate pancreatic cancer. Im only 16 years old my dad didnt even get to teach me how to drive. It sucks and its something ill never forget. We always say that my dad had cancer but cancer never had my dad….he will live on forever and touched everyone he has ever met hes missed everyday
September 4, 2007 at 4:25 pm
I also fucking hate pancreatic cancer. I’m 19 and my mom died 3 weeks ago. She battled for 14 months, and never ever gave up. She was and still is the MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN MY LIFE and I’m completely lost without her. Now I just cry each time I think of all the things we did together, and how we’ll never do them together again, at least not in this life. I just miss her so, so much. I think about her every single hour and love her .
September 5, 2007 at 1:14 pm
I, too, fucking hate pancreatic cancer. My mom was diagnosed in March 22, 2007 and died May 11, 2007. I had just gotten engaged when she was diagnosed and am now just a month away from getting married and I miss her terribly. She was so strong and never complained and kept her wonderful sense of humor, although there’s definitely nothing humorous about PC. She was such a giving person. This is such a great site, I just found it by accident. I’m doing a PanCan 5k this weekend in Colorado and will be running for my mom too, in her memory. Let’s all keep up the good fight and raise awareness and money to fight this horrid disease
September 28, 2007 at 7:34 pm
My dad died today of pancreatic cancer, he was diagnosed in 3/07. I dont even know why I am online right now. I just cant believe he is gone. This is the worst cancer & I am shocked that there isnt more research being done on it. There has to be a way to diagnose PC sooner. My thoughts & prayers are with everyone who has been affected with cancer of any kind.
November 20, 2007 at 9:22 pm
My Dad and best friend died a week and a half ago. His funeral is today. There was so much more left to do and see together. I am still in total disbelief that a man who had so much more left to experience and share was robbed of that opportunity. I have lost both a father and a friend.
I take great comfort in knowing that he was completely aware just how much I loved him. He died within 10 days of being diagnosed. It feels like I have lost a limb but I am determined to make him proud.
I love you Dad. I’ll never be far…
Daniel x
January 4, 2008 at 7:54 pm
I am now going through the hardest time of my life. After reading everyone’s blog I realize how lucky I am to have been able to share these last few months with my mother. She was diagnosed with PC in August and has been living with me and my family since September. She is now in a nursing home and is coming back to our home on Monday. I will cherish this time like no other. I can’t stand to see her cry or in pain. I pray that God will take her before she has to endure anymore of this awful pain. She is the best mom and the kindest lady I have ever known. She has taught me so much and for that I am so thankful. I love her and can’t believe within weeks she will be taken from all of us. I too hate this disease.
I love you mom, I always will.
Your devoted daugther,
Linda
January 16, 2008 at 7:41 pm
theres no need for them to suffer, there’s morphine. Its hard to let them slip under it but its worth it for their sake. I lost my father a year ago last sunday. I don’t know why I’m typing this either, but its important I suppose. They can be put on a constant pain relief at the end and made comfortable in the UK, which is where I am. They are making progress, its slow but they’re trying. Its the most awful thing to witness, I know.
January 30, 2008 at 1:46 pm
My dad died two years ago from PC, which I also consider the worst cancer ever. I know comparing cancers is like comparing the holocausts but I never knew a cancer could just eat away at a person before my dad got PC. He was given three months to live after diagnosis but actually lived one year. Two years later, I’m not sure if that’s a gift or not because there was so much pain, even with the morphine. And because he lived so much longer than they expected they had to put him on methadone because he developed such a tolerance to the morphine. I don’t know why I’m online looking up “pancreatic cancer sucks” right now. I guess it’s because I am still grieving after all this time. I have a new baby that my dad never got to meet. I guess all I can do now is try to be as good a parent as my dad so that my child will miss me this much when I’m gone. Pancreatic cancer is just one of life’s hard facts… but all your stories help.
Thank you.
February 9, 2008 at 2:14 pm
I too feel so sad. My father was diagosed one week ago with PC after surgery to correct a bile duct obstruction. I am so lost right now. I am sitting here at work just feeling so much symphathy for all others. My Dad is being transferred to Hospice this afternoon and I will be grateful and spend every moment I can listening to his stories and his thoughts. He has been my father and my best friend my whole life. I will miss him so much.
February 10, 2008 at 9:45 pm
My father has been diagnozed with PC 2 weeks ago after he turned all yellow and felt horrible. The doctors tried to make a surgery on him but aftert they had opened him they could only drain the goal ducts but were unable to conduct a surgery due to the location of the cancer (head, tail and aorta were already cancerous).
I live in the UsSright now but after i learnt about his condition I flew immediately to Poland to spend some time with him and arrange for private medical care after he gets released home.
I am so sad as h was very unlucky with his life:first he was diagnosed with kidney cancer, but got it operated 8 years ago, meanwhile his wife has passed away of lung cancer and now him having PC. It is too much to handle! Why does this great man have to suffer so much?
Noone will ever answer this question.
I do not want him to suffer but do not want him to die soon either.
February 18, 2008 at 10:47 pm
Hi Everyone!
Yep, this PC is awful. My mother has been in the hospital for the past week…dx in July. Too far gone for surgery, now she is medicated, with swollen feet, her abdomen is huge. It’s tough seeing her suffer. For her sake, I will be glad when it’s finally over.
February 28, 2008 at 5:59 pm
My father passed away from PC at my house 3 and 1/2 weeks after DX. I still cant believe how fast the decline was. I can only tell people that the home Hospice we had here in Waddell,AZ was the greatest bunch of people I have ever met in my life. I cant say enough about how compassionate and understanding and supportive the were, true Angels and Hero’s. Rest peacefully Dad! I will miss you till we meet again.
Love
Clay
March 8, 2008 at 12:51 am
My dad passed away from pancreatic cancer a couple of months ago. My parents were divorced, and I lived with him in my home state. My grandparents lived in England, and my mom lived in California. When I was little, my dad got remarried to my step mom and step brother. But after 6 years, they got a divorce. I was lonely without my stepbrother, but I always had my dad. We used to go on walks together and go pet and cuddle the kittens on my neighbor’s doorstep. He used to be pretty big, but he took up running and lost close to 100 pounds. Then my dad got a new girlfriend. She was a runner too. She was very nice, and we had alot in common. She even had a son I could hang out with. However, last summer when I was visiting my mom, my dad got Pancreatic Cancer. But he was such a generous person, that he didn’t tell me. He didn’t want to ruin my Summer with my mom. When I got back, I saw him. He had lost a lot more weight, but this time he was fragile and frail. But I knew by looking at his smile that it was really him. I did everything for him for the next few months. Tucked him in, made him soup, and rubbed lotion on his dry arms. Then he went into hospice. Everyone had flown down; my mom, my grandparents, his girlfriend. We sat by him for his last hours. I held his hand and promised him that I would make good grades. I told him that I loved him, and that god was going to take good care of him in Heaven. I miss him so much; he was my everything. After that, I had to leave my friends, my school, my town, my house, my state, and my dad’s girlfriend. I now live in California with my mom. I was watching a show the other day, and some pscychic said that people from heaven were sending feathers to their loved ones. I thought all that pscychic stuff was silly untill a few feeks later, I looked down and there was a little white feather in my hand. It’s quite odd, and I don’t know if it happens to other people, but now every once in a while, a little white feather just comes out of nowhere, and I know that it’s him, smiling down at me from Heaven.
I love you Daddy and I can’t wait to see you when we are united again.
Love,
Ashley
March 11, 2008 at 8:40 am
My dad was diagnosed in August 07 and we are watching him fade away before our eyes. He has made peace with his God and thankfully this is giving him comfort. I am so scared at the rate he is declining and am terrified for what is to come. This illness has given our family this amazing sense of love, we were never really open with our feelings but it has changed all that. As hard as what it is watching Dad, my heart breaks for Mum, they were going to have their 50th anninversary in November, they had made such special plans. It is so tough to read all the stories but somehow brings comfort as you really feel like your family is the only one. Dad continually tells us not to worry, he is going to beat this disease but it is obvious he will fight the battle just not win the war. Tonight it all feels too much, my heart feels like it is going to break.
April 1, 2008 at 11:36 pm
I lost my Dad in November 2007 to Pancreatic Cancer as well. My heart is still aching from the loss. As I sit here and type this I can’t help but think of all the wonderful time spent with him. My Dad was proof that there are living angels on earth…he was one of them. My Dad had been carrying a cross for the last 34 years of his life. He broke his back at the age of 35 and endured many painful years of agony as numerous surgeries failed to correct his problem. Along the road he had many health issues which including the constant back pain were ongoing stomach & bowl problems for which he was hospitalized quite frequently for. He developed prostate cancer 8 years ago and won that battle. However, in December 2006 was diagnosed with Diabetes and lost so much weight. In March of 2007 it was discovered that he had a growth in his stomach which was causing him to have trouble eating. After many tests and finally surgery it was discovered that it was his pancreas that was causing the discomfort and unfortunately it had spread too far. This was June 2007 when we received the very sad news that my Dad had Pancreatic cancer and was given 6 months to live. He suffered so much, but through it all still managed to be strong for all of us. He was and still is an amazing man, I just wish that my children where able to spend more time with him. He was a great teacher…a love like no other.
I love you Daddy…til we meet again.
April 3, 2008 at 9:37 pm
My grandmother passed away after a 6 month battle with PC, about 2 months ago, on Feb. 3, 2008. I never thought that 6 months could go by SO fast. In August she had been having stomachaches, etc. We just though it was something small, cancer had never crossed our minds. My grandma was probably the healthiest person I know. A week later, the pain was still there, as she was also getting jaundice. They took tests and sure enough, there was the STUPID pancreatic cancer. It was so sad; every month, then week, then day, she got weaker and weaker and weaker and more & more tired. Until she could no longer walk. My grandma was 5′7 and around 87 pounds at the time she died. I remember the last time I saw her she gave me and my siblings all necklaces that said, “We are connected, love grandma” I had never cried in front of her before about the cancer, and so when I started crying I hid behind my sister. She asked me to come and give her a hug. When we said goodbye I said, “I’ll See you later grandma, love you.” Thinking that I would see her again. And i did. But the next time we went to see her she was unable to talk…and was almost like in a sleep but couldn’t wake up. (Anyone know what I’m talking about?) In all, if anyone who is reading this has lost someone to pancreatic cancer, or any cancer i am very sorry. I know exactly what you went through. And to anyone who knows someone who is living with this cancer, try and spend as much time as possible with them. For the time goes by way, way, too fast. Peace to all. May God be with you
April 12, 2008 at 8:32 pm
hello to all,
my heart felt support goes out to everyone who has experienced and survived witnessing this horrible cancer. My sister-in-law was dx 12-31-08.
She was admitted into a hospice house on Tuesday. What Wonderful professionals.
I am familiar with the loss of loved ones, but I have never witnessed such a cruel disease. Cindy has not eaten since last Sunday. She only sips water to keep her mouth moist. She can not converse. Her color is very yellow because her liver is beginning to shut down from the PC that moved to the liver. What an incredibly helpless feeling.
Cindy is 56, has three adult children, two brothers, a sister, and parents who love her so much. This waiting for death….is indescribable, as you know. Peace to all….. Let you spirit soar
cc
April 14, 2008 at 9:08 pm
Gosh. These stories are so sad. I sympathize with all of you who have lost loved ones to PC. I just came here because my neighbor was diagnosed recently. She’s around 65 and is given between 2 weeks and 2 months to live. Looking across the street now, her driveway is flooded with cars. Losing a neighbor that I really don’t know doesn’t compare with losing a close friend or family member, but at least you can know that your loved one was surrounded by friends and relatives before they left. I think the really sad cases are the ones in which a person dies alone in a hospital, with no one to remember them.
April 15, 2008 at 4:59 pm
My father passed away on September 14th 2007 at the age of 56. He was diagnosed on July 14 and exactly two months later he died. He was a tremendous, intelligent and caring father that never stopped loving his three girls. There is not a day that goes buy, where I think of him, feel his presence or remember him. He is always with me, passed on through others kindness, through the Monarch Butterflies and through LOVE. I feel everyones pain, and I understand just how precious life is now……..I miss you daddy, BUT, I know you are still here! Be strong everyone….
April 25, 2008 at 2:30 am
My father passed away from pancreatic cancer March 30, 2008. I miss him so much. He was amy anchor when my husband passed away from colon cancer three years ago at the age of 55. My Dad broke his hip in June of 2007. He never got to go home again. He was 88 years old. He was on morphine every hour at the end. My brother, sister, my daughter and I talked to him before he died. We told him it was okay to let go. We told him we would take care of my mom. He couldn’t talk or open his eyes but he moved his mouth and raised and lowered his eyebrows. We told him it was okay to go home to be with the Lord. He passed away at 6:25 a.m. that Sunday morning. I will always love you Daddy and I will see you again when it is my time to come home to our Lord and Savior. We are taking care of Mom so don’t worry. We will be okay.
April 26, 2008 at 12:00 am
My mother passed away from pancreatic cancer when i was 8 years old. its actualy a quite heat warming story despite the not to good outcome. I am 18 years old now and she passed about 10 years ago. She was first diagnosed after my brother was born (i have 3 brothers) 3 years before i was born. She went through the chemo sessions and the doctors told her that she had less than 2 months to live, after about 4(ish) months the cancer seemed to become stable and no longer growing and it was at this point that surgery and yet more chemo therapy seemed to have magicly “cured” her. The cancer seemed to have dissappeared off the face of the earth, or so she thought. Two years later i was born!! She, on and off from when i was about 3 till i was about 7 expeperienced bouts of unexplainable illnesses. Just after i turned 8 years old she became very very ill with something that doctors couldnt explain and claimed wasnt cancer. After more and more and more testing it turned up that it WAS cancer and that it had relapsed and taken over everything. I remember one specific night, the night she passed away. She was home in my house and the family was over. My father called all four of us boys, ages 8-11-14-15, up into his room. And he told us what our mother had just told him. She said “i have lasted 10 years, fought all i can, and raised 4 lovely boys, i cant hold on much longer” and he told us all that he would have alot of explaining to do over the next few days but we needed to say goodbye to her. As all four of us and my father sat on her bed and she told us she loved us you could see the tears of pain and agony running down her face. and my father said stop crying and “let go and let god” and there, at that moment, she passed away. It was THE MOST moving thing I WILL EVER experience in my life. And my father had told me that over the past few weeks she had been saying that she wasnt going to last much longer that she was getting weak and couldnt fight much longer. He went on to tell us about how he told her that he was meerly “someone in the corner of the ring in this heavy weight boxing match that she, not he, was fighting” (a “paulie” from rocky) He said that he told her he would do everything he could, spend every dollar untill she said enough. And explained that she had told him “enough”. I cant even begin to explain the feelings of emotion that i feel from this. Most of it prowess and smiles but still with a feeling of loss. I tell my story to try and add a sense of reality to the topic of cancer. No matter how unfortunate the circumstances there is always a lesson to be learned and no matter how great the odds seem against you there is always a “crack, or seem” of goodness. She survived 10 years! Created Me! Sure, she could have given up the first go around. And i wouldnt have happend. So me being a SOMEWHAT (aka go to church on holidays, maybe here and there regularly) catholic believe that everything happens for a reason and that allthough somthing may be destined to happen the strength of will can still change the future.
I hope you may all too see things in a different light. Good Luck
May 10, 2008 at 3:30 am
My mom was diagnosed with pc 3 weeks ago, lost her last night… she was my everything, my friend, mother, advisor… I miss her so much… life will be hard without her… feel like I’m dreaming all this…
May 15, 2008 at 12:45 am
On May 19th 2005 my father passed away from PC. It is a horrible horrible disease and I hate to hear of anyone else having it. They tried to tell us that he would go peacefully but that was so not the case…I am a nurse and I have never seen anyone go as violently as he did. I miss my daddy every single day and it has almost been three years. I also lost a friend to PC Dave Panella…I used to talk to him about my dad and he was so wonderful to talk to. I am tired of there being so little research and funding for this horrible beast…I guess a president hasnt died of it yet so it gets too little attention. I am bitter about it and the hospice we had was awful…I wanted to knock them out…I took care of him though and I know that he knows that I love him…I miss and love you daddy…
May 15, 2008 at 12:49 am
None of you are alone, believe me. When such a terrible disease strikes someone you love so dearly, we often have nowhere else to run but the internet. Too all of you who have or have lost someone to pancreatic cancer, at this very moment, day after day, I feel for you. I lost my Father Dennis to Pancreatic cancer in September of 2007. I just got out of the Army 2 years before and became best friends with him until this nasty, bitch fucking cancer tore him away from me, his grandson and entire family. Every time I think about him, all I can do is shake my head. I too hate pancreatic cancer. I fucking miss you, man.
June 3, 2008 at 3:43 am
I posted a few months ago and came back here today because I thought about my Dad really hard today… about my visits with him while he was getting sicker and sicker. This page is such a comfort, because I know you all hate pancreatic cancer as much as I do. It’s much more heartfelt when you know someone knows exactly what you went through. My dad, Frank, was a wonderful person who died January 21, 2006 while I whispered in his ear “You will always be my favorite guy.”
I honor him and all of your loved ones tonight.
CCC
June 8, 2008 at 11:21 pm
Just wanted to say this cancer steals people from us way too damned young. My daughters lost their grandpa to this. He used to drive 3 hours to see them dance in a recital for 5 minutes. The last smile he gave anyone he gave to them. They still cry about him once a week and it’s been almost a year. God I wish we could do research with stem cells to make progress on this ugly and wicked beast. Bless you.
June 10, 2008 at 12:19 am
God bless to all who have lost loved ones to this desbicable disease. Right now I’m on the internet trying to find some answers on how to make my sister in law more comfortable. She was dx in April. I think hospice might help but how do you bring it up? She lost her younger sister to PC last year, apparently it runs in her family. How bad does that suck. Just last year she was taking care of her sister so now she knows exactly what is going to happen to her….it is almost too much to bear.
June 13, 2008 at 9:25 am
All cancer is evil, but Pancreatic cancer is the most cruel – I am 49 and just lost my beautiful Mum yesterday at 2.50am. She IS my best friend and I am utterly devastated. After 8 months of ’stupid’ investigations they finally did a CT scan – result PC stage 1V diagnosed on 24th Aug 2007, Mum was given weeks. My Mum endured a chemo trial and hundreds of needles in her arms for my sake, she fought stoically and courageously. I watched my 80 year old Mum who was a ‘young’ fit and healthy lady deteriorate to a shell, on Tuesday night she was in agony and I was sobbing with helplessness. Mum was breathless and ached everywhere, she didn’t know where to put herself. I watched her die, she kept saying my name over and over and told me she was sorry as she didn’t think she was going to get over this – it was not ‘peaceful’ and I cannot get the last images out of my head. My dear beloved Mum………..life is so empty………….
Yes you’re right – someone said – bad things do happen to good people – my Mum was kind and gentle and always thinking of others, she is my soul mate.
I think Pancreatic Cancer shoule be highlighted more as not many people know what a killer it is.
God Bless all of you who have suffered as I am suffering now. xxxxx God Bless you Mum – I love you with all my heart xxx
June 17, 2008 at 12:14 am
My dad was diagnosed with PC 18th April 08 and passed away 19th May 08. 1 day and 1 month he lived. I am still coming to terms that he is no longer here and that he had to die the way he did. He was 66 years old, fit and ate all the right foods. There needs to be more research made into this disease as once it gets hold of you there is no time for anything. He didnt even get a chance of having chemo. We were told he had 3 – 6 months to live, not even close. Although I live interstate from my family we saw each other every 6 – 8 weeks for a week or two at a time. My two boys almost 3 (twins) were the apple of my dad’s eyes, vica versa. This is one of the saddest things about it, is all he wanted to do was to see the boys turn 21. We had only been down there to visit 2 weeks before. He was admitted to hospital on the Thursday as he was having trouble breathing, from Thursday til we got there Sunday he had detiorated terribly. He fought all the way til the end, never shed a tear. He waited til we got there to see the boys for one last time. He passed 27 hours after my arrival with my mum, my neice and I by his side. I will never forget how much I wanted him to just go to sleep and no longer be in pain. I feel for all of you who have lost and who have this terrible disease.
Rest now dad, love you allways xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
June 20, 2008 at 8:57 pm
Like everyone else, I too lost my mother to PC. She had been a diabetic for over 30 years and controlling her sugar level was a nightmare,but she tried as best she could. My mother passed on May 27th,2008. We knew she she wasn’t feeling well and complaining about her back and the pain,but we thought she had pulled a muscle from a recent vacation. We took her to the ER and the next day they did a CT scan and found a 6mm lump in her liver. They wanted a biopsy,but her blood was too thin. They gave her 8 bags of plasma over three days and then they decided to transfer her to a major university hospital. The biopsy was done on a Friday,she was released on Saturday to a nursing home. On Sunday,my father saw a vision from God and got her home that day. She died at home in her bed 2 days later. The sad part is no doctor ever confirmed pancreatic cancer until after her death. The results came back the day she died. A hospice nurse that was working at the hospital told me that my mother was terminally ill and that the doctors would not tall me until they were 100% sure. She knew,as she had seen the chart and was a hospice nurse for 8 years. I thanked her,called my sisters,told my dad and from that day forward until she died we did anything she needed and never left her alone. I never told her she was dying because I knew she couldn’t handle it. My mom waited for my sister coming from Missouri to drive into the driveway in AZ. She glanced at her,opened her eye and gave three last breaths I will never forget the sound. She never cried about the pain. I am glad that God answered my one paryer: The Monday night before she passed,I told him I knew he had to take her,but please do not make her suffer and do it soon. Within 24 hours she was gone. I know he has her and she is cancer and pain free. Intresting and yet confusing and I may never have an answer. My mom was having a conversation with my dad and in mid sentence she told him the pain was bad and then she went unconsciouness. The coroner ruled heart failure,but she didn’t have any symptoms of a heart attack. She just closed her eyes and went into very shallow breaths until my sister came into the room,which was a minute or two after closing her eyes. I truly believe she waited to make sure my sister was home safely and then when she knew,she let go and God brought her home. Life is difficult and I am guessing only time can help. I have emotions running through my head that I never knew I had. Amazing how people take life for granted and all we want is another day with the one we lost.
June 26, 2008 at 1:31 pm
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July 26, 2008 at 2:08 am
I just read the story about Randy Paush and it brought me to tears. In 2 days it will be 2 years that my wonderful father died. He was diagnosed in June of 2006 and died in July 2006 – I only got a few weeks to say goodby to such a wonderful man. I think not a moment goes by that my family misses him. He was so much a part of our lives. In that year, I must say God did bless me with sharing special moments with him. I bought him for Christmas a ticket to the Food Network Food and Wine festival. He loved to cook and learn new things. I never saw him so happy. We truly enjoyed that event and it is something I will always carry in my heart. Also, that March he decided to take the day off and go to Grandparents day at my children’s school. He always worked so hard when we were growing up, but was always there for the us and the grandkids. I like to think that God told him to spend some “quality time” with my mom and my children. I have a picture of my parents with my 2 beautiful children on that day. My dad has a big smile and the four of them are so happy. It is one of my favorite pictures. I also have the last family portrait taken only 2 months before he died. We celebrated my son’s First Communion. The whole family was there and it was a special day – Again I thank God for those memories. I must agree that Pancreatic Cancer SUCKS – but my father believed that he lived a good life and faced his death with dignity. One day he was talking and the next he just fell asleep. I can only hope to have such a peaceful death when facing a truly painful and horrible disease. We thougth he had 6 months so I had to go away for work. But towards the end of 2 weeks of training, I had to rush home because the Dr’s said he was going to die any day. I had 7 days to tell him that I was so proud that he was my Dad. He said why, he was just an ordinary man, and I said no he wasn’t. I must say that both he and us expected a long, painful death. But again God was smiling on him and allowed him to have little pain and just fall asleep with all his family beside him. Even after almost 2 years, I still cry. I cry even writing this knowing that he will never see his 3rd grandchild, or see my daughter start High School and my son Middle School next year. However, we have had some positive come out of this. My brother decided after 15 years of marriage to have a child. He told my father of their plans before he died. I think that my dad’s illness put things into perspective for them. I also believe, that my Dad is our guardian angel and looking after us. Even though my sister-in-law is considered a high risk pregnancy, she has had an easy time and is due in October. It will be a boy, and now the family name will live on. I hope he looks like my dad. I know that my son has so much of him, it makes me think that he is still around. He loves to give hugs and tell you he loves you, just like my father use to. I think at times that it is partly my dad giving me the hugs too. My daughter also misses my dad so much. Even after 2 years sleeps with my father’s last shirt in her bed, just to feel him around. She even makes sure that my mom is not lonely and goes over and spends the night often. It is just a testiment to the fact that my father and mother were always there for us. It kills me that so little money is spent to cure the 4TH LEADING CANCER. – How many more beautiful people have to die before more is done to cure this.
August 29, 2008 at 3:31 am
My mother was dx’ed in July ‘06. We did catch it early; I’m unsure the good that did. She was feeling normal when they dx’ed her, but after the chemo and radiation and then the whipple surgery, she just wasn’t the same. She wouldn’t let the disease best her though, she beat the stats and lasted for a little over 2 years. Not once during that time did I see her cry over her cancer. My mother was the type of person who was always running around doing something. And she LOVED cooking. I watched this vibrant woman become a shell…listlessly wondering around the house, mindlessly munching away on her sunflower seeds…about a month before she died, she stopped cooking. Even a year into her cancer, she would stay up all night to cook…a month ago, she just didn’t care. I played Martha to her. I ran around trying to make sure all her needs were met, that she was comfortable. I freaked out when near her death she chewed her digestive enzyme capsules. I was afraid she’d get mouth ulcers. Ironically, she died the next day. I wish instead that I just sat with her, and we could’ve remembered the good times together. I could’ve asked her more about her childhood in Vietnam. Or how it was when she first came to the States. I could’ve helped her smile more. When she died, she was so small in my arms. As a child, she seemed so big in every way. Over the past 2 years, I’ve learned to thank God for the small miracles. I’m very grateful that my brother and I were with her in the end. I got to tell her that everything was ok now.
My heart hurts for the people who were so young when their loved one died. You’re forced to grow up very quickly. I’m 26 now, and I felt so alone; so I understand.
For those going through this now, please remember take every day as a blessing, even if it’s a bad one. Let the small things that don’t matter go. Do you best to help them retain their dignity and independence. And do whatever you can to help them smile, and smile with them. Even if it’s through tears.
September 1, 2008 at 8:26 pm
If someone you love has PC, cherish every possible moment with them.
Don’t leave it till later as there may not be a later.
Mam began chemo in May.
Her scans in June showed that the cancer was still contained in the pancreas.
Chemo was to be continued indefinitely to halt the spread as long as possible.
We were told that, based on the scan results, she had closer to 12 months than previously thought..
However, 26 days ago she fell asleep and never woke up
Mam simply slipped away peacefully, sleeping beside the man she loved for 48 years of marriage.
It seems that cause of death may have been kidney failure.
We never saw that coming.
She had regained her appetite and had started to regain weight and, while obviously a very frail and sick woman living on a cocktail of medication, she had such spirit hope and fight in her, that we had started to believe that we may even get to spend another Christmas with her.
It seemed possible that she may be one of the lucky few who survive for that little bit longer.
We should and will be comforted by the fact that she died peacefully, at home, but we just didn’t get enough time and were not aware that other factors rather than cancer spread could take her.
Make the most of every precious moment.
X K
September 29, 2008 at 6:27 pm
My husband became jaundice in May 2008, went through the “Whipple” surgery July 9th, 2008 and started chemo September 2008.
Before surgery the Dr. told us he would have about 3-5 years to live if he had the surgery.
After the surgery it went to 2-3 years … and now that we are working with an oncologist at a different hospital, we are being told 17 – 21 months
My husband seems to have accepted this “death sentence” quite well. It’s me that is not dealing with this very well. After 18 years of being with one person and the thoughts of being left alone really sucks.
I am scared for him and what the final days are like.
It’s obvious from reading the stories on this site that there isn’t much hope in “beating the odds” … It’s so sad.
Prayers for everyone here and to those that have PC …
October 20, 2008 at 11:07 am
My wife was diagnosed on October 2, 2008 with PC. She just completed her fifth year of surviving breast cancer in January only to have a new cancer (PC) present itself. Having gone thru hard chemo previously, she has opted not to do chemo now. Instead she is trying to watch her nutrition, take daily supplements and is currently doing the zango juice 21 day challenge since her coworkers bought a 21 day challenge supply for her. We aren’t really very optimistic about the out come. We planning to travel to see her family over the next few weeks and then plan on going to Florida to watch the space shuttle launch in November. Currently, she feels moderately well but her pain varies from day to day. The Dr says my wife will likely survive 6 months as she is 51 and rather fit otherwise. We hope so but the reality is very uncertain. Our prayer are for all who has or is experiencing this dreadful disease. I will try to keep you updated this disease takes it’s toll on both of us.
December 7, 2008 at 3:01 pm
My grandpa and grandma both died of pancreoic cancer! i know how you all feel its horrible to see the people you love have to suffer. my grandma was 130 pounds before she was diagnosed and the doctors said she was less than 50 ponuds when she passed. my mom, aunt, and unlce are all being tested for it because both my grandparents had it which is extremely where i am also being tested for it. I am sixteen years old and this has taken a very hard toll on everyone in my family. the doctors said smoking and eating read meats will trigger this cancer for me if i have the gene. this is the worse possible cancer. the good news is for myself that i will be checked every year for it and this way they can detect it eraly and immediatly remove it they are also using my family to study it so hopefully there will be a cure soon! i wish you all the best and i am truely sorry for your losses.
December 7, 2008 at 3:02 pm
extremely rare* not where sorry.
December 10, 2008 at 8:26 pm
My wonderful 80 year old father was diagnosed 20 days ago with stage IV PC that was already in his liver-3 months left is what the Doctors are saying. 4 months ago he was fit & full of life; now Im just watching this horrible disease eat him up. I still cannot come to terms with this as I love my parents with all my heart, they are the kindest most decent people I know. My heart goes out to all of the folks who share their losses on this site. Im so afraid of the suffering he will endure as the first round of Chemo hasnt done anything. I will be a different person when this comes to its horrible conclusion and worry so much about my mom who will be losing her husband of 58 years. Some people tell me “Well at least he lived to 80″-maybe someday I will appreciate that fact however its utterly no consolation at this stage.
December 16, 2008 at 6:01 pm
I’m sitting here with my 50 year old mother now… in her final hours or days of life. She was diagnosed in October of 2007. After being told that the cancer was inoperable, we knew we had a battle ahead of us. The chemotherapy turned my energetic, musclular, vibrant mother into a frail, confused, tired stranger. She was always in pain – nothing prescribed worked for her. Most medications put her to sleep, which caused her to be depressed because she was missing out on life. I’m angry and I’m sorrowful. My mother was always a good person – putting others ahead of herself. She struggled all her life to make ends meet and when she finally was able to live comfortably – she’s diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. That’s so unfair.
I’m venting on this site because no one around me knows what it’s like to litterally watch a loved one die. This is horrible – the way pancreatic cancer makes a person suffer. The only peace I’m finding is that my mom is on a morphine drip, 13 ml/hour – keeping her sleep, which means she’s not in pain.
I will miss my mother so much!
December 27, 2008 at 2:32 pm
its hard to read all the sad message here, but you must remember that you did have time to spend with your loved ones. my husband was dianosed with pc on aug 7th and it is the worst day of all life. he had 6 chemos that didnt work and is now on taxol that knocks your dick in the dirt. pc does suck big time. we had a new cat scan dec 24 and results on the 26th. doc said that his tumors on the liver have shrunk and labs look good. so a bit of time off to regain strenth and then a new round of taxol. 6 hr infusion is gruling for my husband, but the challange to live is real. we are expecting our first grandbaby in feb. a goal is set and the baby will be named ‘vida’ life…………
December 27, 2008 at 2:48 pm
life is unfair at times and we will never under stand how or why we are picked to suffer. it is sad to watch your loved one suffer so much and become frail from the poison which are perscribed. i offer wonder if it is the right thing to do but its not up to me. my husband is a true hero as well as all the others who put themselve through this to live. our children love him so much. he has alway been a great and wonderful father and husband. it really difficult to think that it times like this that we all come together for strenth. life is short its hard to always live it as if it your last.
i can only hope that i will be loved as much as all the rest. its so sad to watch and wish we could all make it go away and wake from this nightmare. remember to love hard and live well…………… no regrets
January 4, 2009 at 10:07 pm
my mom passed away sept 15 2008 age of 53 to pc it was a short battle we found out about 2 week prior to passing away. i am only 34 and i lost my dad to heart disease in jan 2005 at the age of 48 and i am an only child. yes i have a wife but it still hurts to see your parents pass away so young. it is say to see there is no hope to pc. i wish that all of us could live a full happy life. my mom and dad are still in my heart every day and i think of them every day. i just wish you still could see them and talk to them and they could still talk to you back.
January 13, 2009 at 8:29 pm
Chalk up one more to this horrible disease; after a 54 day battle (A very one sided one) my father died in my arms today at exactly 12:00 noon. He had been comatose after an extreme pain episode 9 days ago; he briefly stirred last friday and kissed my cheek. He passed at home with his wife of 58 years at his side; I still cannot believe less than 90 days ago he passed a physical with flying colors and was very active and loved his life with my Mom.
Im still in shock as I write this however I can say in my 42 years of life I have yet to find anything that sucks as bad as PC. Chemo didnt do anything except make him sicker; the whole mentality from the day of diagnosis was essentially “Your dead” from the medical community.
February 11, 2009 at 2:14 am
I lost my father, my mentor, and my dearest friend on January 16, 2009.
Growing up, I always believed that my father could do anything. He was so adept at fixing things, playing tunes on the piano even though he had never had lessons, making the best blueberry pancakes, and loving his family with all of his heart. I knew what the statistics were with pancreatic cancer, but I thought this is my dad, he’ll beat it. Knowing reality is different from accepting it. My dad did everything he could to fight it. It was heartwrenching to see my father in excruciating pain. My mom, my two sisters, and I were there with my dad at Hospice. During that week, my dad would periodically awake from his morphine, and while he was awake he would tell us how proud he was of us and how much he loved us. I miss my dad so much. I was very lucky to have had such a loving, patient, generous, father who also had a great sense of humor. I am so proud he was my father.
March 9, 2009 at 4:46 am
I just lost my grandfather yesterday to PC after being diagnosed a week after Christmas, just 2 months ago. Your stories have been really helpful-about a week after his diagnosis I moved to Africa for the semester, and have been unable to grieve with my family. It is comforting to know there are people who know how you feel. About a week ago, before I knew he had such little time, I sent him a letter with all of the things I needed to say. A few days later, I found out he would only live for 1-2 more days. Miraculously, my letter got there the day he died, taking only 5 days instead of the usual 2-3 weeks to arrive. He was able to grasp it in his hand before he died.
Kind regards and prayers.
March 13, 2009 at 3:21 pm
I lost my dad October 30, 2008 @ 12:10 pm to PC. He was dx September 9, 2008. We was told that he had 3-6 months and if he did chemo he might add on another 3-6 months. He did his first chemo Sept 19, 2008 – ended up in the ER for two blood clots in the lungs on Sept. 22, 2208. We knew something was wrong a year ago. But, he wouldn’t listen to our pleas to go to the doctor, then. He knew something was wrong – he didn’t want to worry us. At least he gave me away at my wedding on July 25, 2008. He was a hard working man. He was a year away from his second retirement. He never used a day of sick in his 35 years working. I think about him every day. He adopted me when I was 12, yet raised me since I was 9 months old. We did almost everything together. My mom – I just don’t know how to help her through this. I’m so lost and I feel so helpless. Every thing has changed. I’m just glad that my dad had us there to help him through his passing. It does suck and the hurt I feel is so ugly. It is a really bad cancer and I hate the “C” word. It took our foundation to our family and I want him back so bad.
For all of you with PC, I love you and I’m so sorry.
March 18, 2009 at 11:54 pm
I lost my dad on December 30, 2008 to pancreatic cancer. He fought very hard for seven months, but in the end the cancer was too much. My condolences to all of the people on this site who have been touched by this horrible disease.
March 24, 2009 at 9:49 pm
My mom died from pancreatic cancer on October 23, 2007. She lived for 3 and a half years after dx and I’m so grateful I was able to spend so much time with her. I know what hurt her the most emotionally was not being able to watch her grandchildren grow up. My mom was the bravest person I knew and I think about her every day.
April 13, 2009 at 1:36 am
My Mum is in Hospice dying of PC and i cant be there for my Sistier who is There 24/7 taking care of her
I spent 4 days this week with her saying my good byes and bathing her what a pleasure it was to bath her even though she was so sensitive to touch due to all the meds she is on.
The last time i saw her she was skinny able to walk, Now her body is like someone has sucked out all her life and muscle . Not able to walk eat or do anything but either lay in bed or sit in a chair
I ask God to take her home and let her leave her body
To all the people out there looking after anyone with PC i am so proud of you all, you all are so brave and wonderful
Yes this cancer is the worst for everyone
Love to all
God bless you
May 7, 2009 at 12:05 am
When I was 18 my dad died of PC; now, 20 years later, my mom has it. Can you imagine caring for a PC patient, as many of you have, watch him turn to skin and bone and die in four months, knowing about the pain, and then getting it yourself? I was shocked to learn that little progress had been made with this disease in 20 years. I am living my worst nightmare. I’m hoping, with the more recent celebrity and/or high profile PC victims that have brought attention to the disease, more dollars will be spent to battle this relentless killer.
June 11, 2009 at 4:47 pm
My Dad of PC in 1987 and then on April 14th my Mom was diagnosed with PC. She died 30 days later, with the last 3 weeks in the hospital. Horrible cancer. I feel for all that have to go through this experience.
July 12, 2009 at 5:23 pm
My Dad got the “plague” and fought so hard…he lasted 3 and 1/2 years, with about 1 year of hope (remission). At the end, his tumor grew to where you could see it protruding. ( The Drs. said what we saw was just the tip of the iceberg of what was inside) He fought until the day he died. I wish I would have had the sense to say more to him while he was here…..I was in denial that he would really leave us… He was always my hero and his bravery thru that horrible disease has made him even more so. I love you, Dad….I think about you every day……
July 20, 2009 at 7:30 pm
My mom died of Pancreatic cancer after a 10 week battle. She had just turned 78 years old. She had been a total health nut for the past 25 years. She ate healthy, exercised, rarely had a drink, didn’t smoke. She had not one risk factor for this dreaded disease. Still this cancer got her. Once diagnosed she was never the same again. The oncologist recommended hospice from the get go. She did try two chemo treatments but became deathly ill. Her funeral is tomorrow. She had been busy planning her 60th high school reunion three months ago. I am her only daughter, age 47. It should be easier at my age but it is not. I have just one brother. He also lost his father-in-law five days ago. It has been a lot for our family. My brother found out our mom died just as he was going into his father’in’laws funeral.
July 24, 2009 at 3:49 pm
My sister died May 26, 2009, after being diagnosed June 4, 2008, and fighting like hell for over 11 months. She was a teacher, finished the 2nd semester in June 2008, was sick all summer, then went back to work and continued to teach until Easter 2009, all the time going to chemo and being in terrible pain, despite all the different pain meds she tried. We spent the last two weeks of her life in a hospice hospital, where she had so much morphine and atavan that she couldn’t speak anymore or even rise to consciousness. I am heartbroken and sad every day; I didn’t even know where the pancreas was until this happened. Now I HATE pancreatic cancer. It has stolen my best and only friend in all the world, at only 51 years of age.
July 25, 2009 at 1:02 pm
My dad died when I was 9 of pancreatic cancer. He went from being a big, beautiful, jolly and invincible man into being a skeleton and dying in 9 months. My mum was diagnosed with breast cancer 2 weeks later. She lived for another 20 years, then died – of pancreatic cancer – in 2004 at age 56. We have the BRCA 2 gene in my family, passed down from my mum. I am the only one to text negative for BRCA2, but I am so worried for my sister who has this terrible gene and has already had a voluntary mastectomy to reduce her breast cancer risk.
Pancreatic cancer took my dad, my mum (who i nursed for 4 months – and it was utterly horrific) and I’m terrified it will take other family members.
July 25, 2009 at 10:25 pm
I lost my dear wife Donna on march 27 2009 after a three month battle, I know ant you are feeling. She was only 52, much to young to die, this such a cruel cancer, my life will never be the same. Maybe someday soon their will be some screenig for PC, chemo is useless. Donna only recieced five treatments before going into a coma, this cancer took her so fast she didn’t even have a chanse to say goodby this sucks so bad. Knowing our loved one are no longer in pain is the only thing we can hold on to, that and the great memories we made for 35 years.
September 17, 2009 at 4:18 am
Pancreatic Cancer took my sister, a great, sweet, good person. It was quick, about 5 months. The horrible thing about pancreatic cancer is the odds of survival, once you read about it, you feel there is no hope & you start to realize that it is a death sentence. I cried every day for months for my sister thinking how can anyone deal with this every morning, waking up knowing you are dying. How could she face her children, knowing she will never see them married, never see her grandkids. However, she was stong, much stronger than I. I miss her so much it is impossible to convey.
I am sorry for all who are dealing with this horrific cancer. My sister had hospice services, it was a godsend, they are the most wonderful people. She was able to pass in her own home, her children were there for her & her passing was pain free and peaceful.
September 21, 2009 at 12:20 pm
My mom is dying of pancreatic cancer. She was diagnosed in April 2009 and went to MD Anderson for chemo treatments. Nothing worked and the cancer grew. She now has 6 months to a year – but who knows. She is deteriorating so quickly it could be any day. It is devastating to our family and I look at her wondering what she ever did to deserve this… There are so many terrible people in this world and so few as wonderful as my mother has always been. I know we should not wish ill on others – but why not them instead of her? She is in her early 60’s and I thought whe would be around another 25+ years. Religion has always been important in her life, but I hear her praying to God and I feel let down by him. She always calls him “Heavenly Father” and I think that what father would want his child to suffer so? How will I go on? How will I forgive this terrible crime against an innocent follower. I am heart sick.
October 2, 2009 at 10:37 am
My mom died last night. Diagnosed in April and gone at the beginning of October. So fast and so heartbreaking. We are devastated, but will heal from this loss. We wouldn’t want her to continue to suffer, so now she is at peace.
October 3, 2009 at 9:52 pm
my dad died Tue Sep 22, 2009, only 7 days after diagnosis and he had only been sick for about 4-6 weeks prior. We are all devastated and still in denial and we just can’t believe it, it’s like a bad dream, like he’s just in the other room or gone to the store. It’s just so hard having to watch your love one die and you are helpless to stop it. There’s only one thing I’m grateful for and that he’s now at peace, this brings me some comfort.
RIP dad.
God Bless…
October 4, 2009 at 9:35 pm
My mom died of PC on August 26. She was diagnosed July 1st. Her last three weeks were spent in the hospital in terrible pain. She was too weak to move to hospice. I cannot believe how rapidly she declined and how the doctors could not relieve her pain, even with all the medication they had. My memories of her in the hospital haunt me- she wasn’t even herself because of the meds and, what I later read, her liver failure. She was terribly frightened, she hallucinated, would sleep all the time, cry in pain, and could not eat. I wish we had had one more day of her in a clear state of mind to say all we needed to say. One minute we were planning to take her home for hospice (they said 4-8 weeks) and the next minute we were calling up my uncle from Miami to get here to say goodbye. She died four days later. I feel like so much was stolen from me, and from her. She was only 61 and me, 27. I am still in such shock. I feel for all of you. I know the pain you’re going through. I’m so sorry we all had to go through this and I wish us all peace.
October 13, 2009 at 4:13 am
My Dear Mother pass away of PC on Oct 3 2009. She diagnosed 4mths ago and fought long and hard with her treatments. I watched my mother size drop really fast and the pain that this horrible disease has on people. She often did not eat because of the taste. I really feel alone and by myself, but seeing others write about there own issues and pain, I know that I’m not alone. Her last week was spent in (In hospital hospice) she was unconscious during her last week and I know that she did not feel any pain when she past away. When she started treatment she really broke down to the doctor and said that she wanted to live and did not want to die. I’m really in shock sometimes and think of this as a bad dream that I’m dreaming.
October 16, 2009 at 9:46 pm
My Mother was diagnosed 3 weeks ago today with PC, stage IV. It is advanced into her liver, duodenum and stomach lining and she also has fluid in her lungs. She had her gallbladder out 6 months ago and after having severe pain in her abdominal area. She continued to have tests all Summer – cat scan, colonoscopy, endoscopy and bloodwork. It wasn’t until 3 weeks ago that a blood test showed her blood sugar to be at 500 and she wasn’t a diabetic. She was told to immediately go to the ER and 24 hours later she was diagnosed. The doctors did a much more in depth cat scan that showed the cancer. I have heard similar stories to my Moms. WHY aren’t bells and whistles going off in the medical community?? If someone comes to the with severe abdominal pain, why not do these detailed cat scans to look into the pancreas? Maybe my Mom could have been caught early. Instead, she is now in a nursing home and will be moved to hospice next week. She is slowly fading from our eyes. She is confused, sleeps a lot, her abdomen and ankles are swollen, and is merely existing. I don’t know if the sleeping and confusion is from the morphine or the cancer or both.
Her 79th birthday is October 27th. She and my Dad would celebrate 60 years of marriage this June. He has slept by her side for the last 21 nights. This is a horrible and painful cancer. Why is there not more being done??
October 16, 2009 at 10:49 pm
Jennifer,
I will your pain, I have been down this road and it sucks to see your loved one suffer.
October 16, 2009 at 10:59 pm
Thanks Alphonso. I am going to organize a 5k in her honor and to help raise awareness of this God awful cancer. It’s all I can think of to do. It’s frustrating to have seen her go through all these different tests all Summer long and come back negative, but then finally get diagnosed when it’s too late.
October 19, 2009 at 5:50 pm
My Mom died one weeek ago today from PC. I’m so lost.
She had just turned 50 in June. She was diagnosed in January and 10 months later- she’s gone. She went thru aggressive chemo and radiation.. Her treatments ended in May. She had an infection from the radiation.. But had went back to work.The last doctor’s appt we went to the tumor was SHRINKING! 20% to be exact. Nothing was spreading! We were very optimistic. Since she was having such a hard time eating (tumor pushing into her stomach) she was only 94lbs. They put her on a liquid diet until they could put a stent in her stomach to open it. She died Mon morning at 4 am. from a damaged artery in her stomach that hemorrhaged.. Damaged from the radiation, I believe. I miss her so much already. I thought I had so much more time.
If someone you know has been diagnosed.. Spend every minute you can with them!! I wish I could go back and do that.. But I thought I had so much more time.. I was so wrong.
I love you, Mom… and miss you so much.
October 25, 2009 at 1:54 pm
It’s almost a year since my beloved Dad died of PC: Nov 1, 2008. He was a thoroughly good, wise, gentle man — yes, a true Gentleman. Orphaned young, he survived and succeeded in this difficult world, remaining devoted to his wife and family until the end. I sit here crying because I miss him. Our relationship changed over the years until he became my best friend. Diagnosed officially on August 24, he died on Nov. 1. My sister and I had suspected Dad was ill around the previous Christmas. He began to shrink away in front of our eyes; his voice became less vigorous; his steps slowed; I said to my husband that Dad was moving further and further away. My Mum had died 4 years previous and Dad was living by himself in an over-65 apartment builting, but we saw him in the neighbourhood all the time as well as getting together regularly at my house for fish and chips. At the start of August, my husband and I went for a weekend escape to Vermont… I couldn’t stop thinking about Dad. I remembered how he had begun to sit with his hand inside the belt of his trousers, pushing the belt away from his stomach. It started to worry me. He looked so thin, almost transparent! On the way back from Vermont, I dropped my husband at home, and went to get milk and bread at our local grocery store. Dad was there, as he often was, sitting in the sunshine outside the mall, watching the world go by. I drove the car up to him and said, “Dad, we must take you to the hospital tonight.” He smiled, and said, “Okay, Susie.” He must have been feeling so sick — he hadn’t wanted to bother me or my sister, but he knew it was time to find out what was wrong. We waited all night in the Emergency Dept, Dad on a stretcher and my sister and I sitting/sleeping on the floor. Eight o’clock the next morning, the Emergency Dept came to life, suddenly doctors appeared, ordered tests, and told us our Dad had pancreatic cancer, with 3-6 months to live. My sister and I cried. We cried until he died, and after. We didn’t want Dad to go. He was loving, dignified, stoic, and calm all his life, until the moment it ended. He came to live with me and my husband for 2 months. We had some wonderful days and some difficult days. The palliative care nurses were very good. As autumn arrived, he sat on the deck in the uncharacteristically warm sunshine, looking up at the airplanes taking off from Montreal Airport about 1/4 mile from my house. You see, he had helped design many of those planes: the Canadair Challenger, Bombardier Regional Jet, Airbus… On Canadian Thanksgiving, I made a big turkey dinner and my sister’s family came over… what was left of my family was all together eating around the table. Dad became very ill for the first time — he could not tolerate the smell of the food, and we knew he didn’t have much time left. He became less and less able to eat and even those thinge he could previously tolerate (a little glass of beer, for example!) had to be left behind. Some days, he would hardly eat, and I could not warm him up no matter what I tried. He shook with cold. The day he vomited unspeakable substances, I knew he had to go to Palliative Care. I thought he would choke to death in my arms. He didn’t want to go, but went bravely. I moved in too and slept on a cot next to his bed. I don’t know how, but I also taught College for 4 hours a day! They were great at the hospice — Dad even rallied and ate a cookie. All this time, he had never allowed himself to stay in bed: He’d get up with me at 7 am and go to bed at 11 pm. He dozed in his chair and told me he hoped to pass away sitting in his chair listening to his music that he loved. At the Palliative, he spent the first 6 days in his chair, watching DVDs of the old British shows and listening to music. It rained every day. The leaves fell from the trees. The Palliative doctor called me aside and said, “Your father is a dead man sitting in a chair.” The doctor had never seen the will not to give up that my Dad displayed: he was determined not to lie sick in bed. But there came a day when Dad could not get up and get dressed, even with help. He dozed and slept in bed all day. That night, I heard my Dad stop breathing. I counted to 120 and he started again. He hadn’t taken a breath in 2 minutes. Suddenly, I was terrified. I jumped up off my cot, put my coat on over my pjamas and drove home. I couldn’t take it any more. I was back again before Dad woke up, but he knew I had gone and I know he was sad about that. I said, “Dad, I haven’t been back to my own house in a week. I will stay with you all day but I have to go home at night.” He smiled and let me know it was okay. From that point on, his sleep deepened and his drugs were increased, and there were several times when the doctor counted 2 minutes or more between his breaths but, incredibly, he would rally enough to give us the “thumbs up”. Friday night, my sister and I knew death was very close. Dad hadn’t been able to eat for a week. We spent the evening writing Dad’s obituary. He passed away the following morning. I’m not young, I’m 54, but life has not been the same since Dad left. I think of him every day. God bless you, Dad. You are loved and missed. Please delete this posting if too maudlin. xoxox Hugs and peace to everyone touched by this disease. xoxox