Info About Pancreatic Cancer & Why It Sucks
An article I found on EndoNurse.com sums up perfectly the overall crapiness of Pancreatic Cancer:
Despite its ranking as the fourth leading cause of cancer death in the U.S., federal research funding on pancreatic cancer topped out last year at $66 million, or 1 percent of the National Cancer Institute’s $4.825 billion budget. A diagnosis of pancreatic cancer can be especially grim and frightening to patients and their loved ones, as the odds of recovery or remission are very low. The one-year mortality rate is a staggering 99 percent and the five-year survival rate is just four percent. Due to the lack of early diagnostic tools that could enable doctors to catch and treat the cancer before it spreads, and because of the limited number of treatment options available, more than 32,000 Americans died from pancreatic cancer in 2005. An additional 33,730 patients will be diagnosed in 2006. (link)
December 17, 2006 at 6:22 am
I fucking hate pancreatic cancer. I lost the closest person i ever had. The only person i could hug and feel comforable. The only person who i could drive with while having no destination to reach. I talked about my problems while she talked about hers. That person was my mom. A person who did nothing but try to help anyone she came across. The gayest part of all is that im only 16. I could have had so much more time with her… I makes me believe in the saying “Bad things happen to good people”.
February 23, 2007 at 5:02 am
PC is the WORST cancer ever! it took my mom from me in a day, she was completely healty one day, the next she was in the hospital and never came back to herself. She suffered for 6 months. People tell me, well, at least you didn’t lose her in an accident, you had time with her. I have to totally disagree. I know she loved me, I would’ve, if I knew of course, would’ve rather never seen her suffer like she did.
I miss her tons and just lost my dad 2 weeks ago. I”m so glad I know they’re dancing away in heaven together!
April 25, 2007 at 11:07 pm
Yes pancreatic is so horrible. I just had my son in October and found out early December that my dad had been dx with PC. He had just retired and moved out to Colorado to be around his family. He had no clue the pain he was going through was cancer he thought he was having problems with his stomach again. He was a big guy, but had just lost weight due to his diabetes. It was really hard to see him in pain and so helpless, I have never seen him that way. He had one chemo treatment in December and then was hospitalized 3 days later as the cancer had spread into his lungs. They put him on a ventilator and never came too again. He was gone Jan 4th after we decided to take him off life support. All I hear is well at least it took him fast and he did not have to suffer long. We just felt cheated we thought we had more time not 3 weeks.
Miss you dad- sorry I could not help you.
August 7, 2007 at 11:50 pm
I lost my grandfather to PC. I miss him very much. he was diagnosed and then four days later gone. It happened so fast, i had so much that i would’ve liked to say, but it won’t happen now. I believe that he is somewhere better now smiling down on me. I look forward to seeing him one day. I love you Grandpa.
P.S. Thx for the word blog.
August 19, 2007 at 1:18 am
My dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer on April 13,2007 and died June 13,2007. My dad fought as hard as he could. He never cried or complained, he fought. The worst part about it was I never got a goodbye because once it took over it took over. My dad was never the same again and he even looked different. I came home from the day to the last day of school having my mom tell me that my dad only had a couple of hours to days left. It was the worst thing I have ever had to see. I will never forget one thing about those last 2 days. As David said I fucking hate pancreatic cancer. Im only 16 years old my dad didnt even get to teach me how to drive. It sucks and its something ill never forget. We always say that my dad had cancer but cancer never had my dad….he will live on forever and touched everyone he has ever met hes missed everyday
September 4, 2007 at 4:25 pm
I also fucking hate pancreatic cancer. I’m 19 and my mom died 3 weeks ago. She battled for 14 months, and never ever gave up. She was and still is the MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN MY LIFE and I’m completely lost without her. Now I just cry each time I think of all the things we did together, and how we’ll never do them together again, at least not in this life. I just miss her so, so much. I think about her every single hour and love her .
September 5, 2007 at 1:14 pm
I, too, fucking hate pancreatic cancer. My mom was diagnosed in March 22, 2007 and died May 11, 2007. I had just gotten engaged when she was diagnosed and am now just a month away from getting married and I miss her terribly. She was so strong and never complained and kept her wonderful sense of humor, although there’s definitely nothing humorous about PC. She was such a giving person. This is such a great site, I just found it by accident. I’m doing a PanCan 5k this weekend in Colorado and will be running for my mom too, in her memory. Let’s all keep up the good fight and raise awareness and money to fight this horrid disease
September 28, 2007 at 7:34 pm
My dad died today of pancreatic cancer, he was diagnosed in 3/07. I dont even know why I am online right now. I just cant believe he is gone. This is the worst cancer & I am shocked that there isnt more research being done on it. There has to be a way to diagnose PC sooner. My thoughts & prayers are with everyone who has been affected with cancer of any kind.
November 20, 2007 at 9:22 pm
My Dad and best friend died a week and a half ago. His funeral is today. There was so much more left to do and see together. I am still in total disbelief that a man who had so much more left to experience and share was robbed of that opportunity. I have lost both a father and a friend.
I take great comfort in knowing that he was completely aware just how much I loved him. He died within 10 days of being diagnosed. It feels like I have lost a limb but I am determined to make him proud.
I love you Dad. I’ll never be far…
Daniel x
January 4, 2008 at 7:54 pm
I am now going through the hardest time of my life. After reading everyone’s blog I realize how lucky I am to have been able to share these last few months with my mother. She was diagnosed with PC in August and has been living with me and my family since September. She is now in a nursing home and is coming back to our home on Monday. I will cherish this time like no other. I can’t stand to see her cry or in pain. I pray that God will take her before she has to endure anymore of this awful pain. She is the best mom and the kindest lady I have ever known. She has taught me so much and for that I am so thankful. I love her and can’t believe within weeks she will be taken from all of us. I too hate this disease.
I love you mom, I always will.
Your devoted daugther,
Linda
January 16, 2008 at 7:41 pm
theres no need for them to suffer, there’s morphine. Its hard to let them slip under it but its worth it for their sake. I lost my father a year ago last sunday. I don’t know why I’m typing this either, but its important I suppose. They can be put on a constant pain relief at the end and made comfortable in the UK, which is where I am. They are making progress, its slow but they’re trying. Its the most awful thing to witness, I know.
January 30, 2008 at 1:46 pm
My dad died two years ago from PC, which I also consider the worst cancer ever. I know comparing cancers is like comparing the holocausts but I never knew a cancer could just eat away at a person before my dad got PC. He was given three months to live after diagnosis but actually lived one year. Two years later, I’m not sure if that’s a gift or not because there was so much pain, even with the morphine. And because he lived so much longer than they expected they had to put him on methadone because he developed such a tolerance to the morphine. I don’t know why I’m online looking up “pancreatic cancer sucks” right now. I guess it’s because I am still grieving after all this time. I have a new baby that my dad never got to meet. I guess all I can do now is try to be as good a parent as my dad so that my child will miss me this much when I’m gone. Pancreatic cancer is just one of life’s hard facts… but all your stories help.
Thank you.
February 9, 2008 at 2:14 pm
I too feel so sad. My father was diagosed one week ago with PC after surgery to correct a bile duct obstruction. I am so lost right now. I am sitting here at work just feeling so much symphathy for all others. My Dad is being transferred to Hospice this afternoon and I will be grateful and spend every moment I can listening to his stories and his thoughts. He has been my father and my best friend my whole life. I will miss him so much.
February 10, 2008 at 9:45 pm
My father has been diagnozed with PC 2 weeks ago after he turned all yellow and felt horrible. The doctors tried to make a surgery on him but aftert they had opened him they could only drain the goal ducts but were unable to conduct a surgery due to the location of the cancer (head, tail and aorta were already cancerous).
I live in the UsSright now but after i learnt about his condition I flew immediately to Poland to spend some time with him and arrange for private medical care after he gets released home.
I am so sad as h was very unlucky with his life:first he was diagnosed with kidney cancer, but got it operated 8 years ago, meanwhile his wife has passed away of lung cancer and now him having PC. It is too much to handle! Why does this great man have to suffer so much?
Noone will ever answer this question.
I do not want him to suffer but do not want him to die soon either.
February 18, 2008 at 10:47 pm
Hi Everyone!
Yep, this PC is awful. My mother has been in the hospital for the past week…dx in July. Too far gone for surgery, now she is medicated, with swollen feet, her abdomen is huge. It’s tough seeing her suffer. For her sake, I will be glad when it’s finally over.
February 28, 2008 at 5:59 pm
My father passed away from PC at my house 3 and 1/2 weeks after DX. I still cant believe how fast the decline was. I can only tell people that the home Hospice we had here in Waddell,AZ was the greatest bunch of people I have ever met in my life. I cant say enough about how compassionate and understanding and supportive the were, true Angels and Hero’s. Rest peacefully Dad! I will miss you till we meet again.
Love
Clay
March 8, 2008 at 12:51 am
My dad passed away from pancreatic cancer a couple of months ago. My parents were divorced, and I lived with him in my home state. My grandparents lived in England, and my mom lived in California. When I was little, my dad got remarried to my step mom and step brother. But after 6 years, they got a divorce. I was lonely without my stepbrother, but I always had my dad. We used to go on walks together and go pet and cuddle the kittens on my neighbor’s doorstep. He used to be pretty big, but he took up running and lost close to 100 pounds. Then my dad got a new girlfriend. She was a runner too. She was very nice, and we had alot in common. She even had a son I could hang out with. However, last summer when I was visiting my mom, my dad got Pancreatic Cancer. But he was such a generous person, that he didn’t tell me. He didn’t want to ruin my Summer with my mom. When I got back, I saw him. He had lost a lot more weight, but this time he was fragile and frail. But I knew by looking at his smile that it was really him. I did everything for him for the next few months. Tucked him in, made him soup, and rubbed lotion on his dry arms. Then he went into hospice. Everyone had flown down; my mom, my grandparents, his girlfriend. We sat by him for his last hours. I held his hand and promised him that I would make good grades. I told him that I loved him, and that god was going to take good care of him in Heaven. I miss him so much; he was my everything. After that, I had to leave my friends, my school, my town, my house, my state, and my dad’s girlfriend. I now live in California with my mom. I was watching a show the other day, and some pscychic said that people from heaven were sending feathers to their loved ones. I thought all that pscychic stuff was silly untill a few feeks later, I looked down and there was a little white feather in my hand. It’s quite odd, and I don’t know if it happens to other people, but now every once in a while, a little white feather just comes out of nowhere, and I know that it’s him, smiling down at me from Heaven.
I love you Daddy and I can’t wait to see you when we are united again.
Love,
Ashley
March 11, 2008 at 8:40 am
My dad was diagnosed in August 07 and we are watching him fade away before our eyes. He has made peace with his God and thankfully this is giving him comfort. I am so scared at the rate he is declining and am terrified for what is to come. This illness has given our family this amazing sense of love, we were never really open with our feelings but it has changed all that. As hard as what it is watching Dad, my heart breaks for Mum, they were going to have their 50th anninversary in November, they had made such special plans. It is so tough to read all the stories but somehow brings comfort as you really feel like your family is the only one. Dad continually tells us not to worry, he is going to beat this disease but it is obvious he will fight the battle just not win the war. Tonight it all feels too much, my heart feels like it is going to break.
April 1, 2008 at 11:36 pm
I lost my Dad in November 2007 to Pancreatic Cancer as well. My heart is still aching from the loss. As I sit here and type this I can’t help but think of all the wonderful time spent with him. My Dad was proof that there are living angels on earth…he was one of them. My Dad had been carrying a cross for the last 34 years of his life. He broke his back at the age of 35 and endured many painful years of agony as numerous surgeries failed to correct his problem. Along the road he had many health issues which including the constant back pain were ongoing stomach & bowl problems for which he was hospitalized quite frequently for. He developed prostate cancer 8 years ago and won that battle. However, in December 2006 was diagnosed with Diabetes and lost so much weight. In March of 2007 it was discovered that he had a growth in his stomach which was causing him to have trouble eating. After many tests and finally surgery it was discovered that it was his pancreas that was causing the discomfort and unfortunately it had spread too far. This was June 2007 when we received the very sad news that my Dad had Pancreatic cancer and was given 6 months to live. He suffered so much, but through it all still managed to be strong for all of us. He was and still is an amazing man, I just wish that my children where able to spend more time with him. He was a great teacher…a love like no other.
I love you Daddy…til we meet again.
April 3, 2008 at 9:37 pm
My grandmother passed away after a 6 month battle with PC, about 2 months ago, on Feb. 3, 2008. I never thought that 6 months could go by SO fast. In August she had been having stomachaches, etc. We just though it was something small, cancer had never crossed our minds. My grandma was probably the healthiest person I know. A week later, the pain was still there, as she was also getting jaundice. They took tests and sure enough, there was the STUPID pancreatic cancer. It was so sad; every month, then week, then day, she got weaker and weaker and weaker and more & more tired. Until she could no longer walk. My grandma was 5′7 and around 87 pounds at the time she died. I remember the last time I saw her she gave me and my siblings all necklaces that said, “We are connected, love grandma” I had never cried in front of her before about the cancer, and so when I started crying I hid behind my sister. She asked me to come and give her a hug. When we said goodbye I said, “I’ll See you later grandma, love you.” Thinking that I would see her again. And i did. But the next time we went to see her she was unable to talk…and was almost like in a sleep but couldn’t wake up. (Anyone know what I’m talking about?) In all, if anyone who is reading this has lost someone to pancreatic cancer, or any cancer i am very sorry. I know exactly what you went through. And to anyone who knows someone who is living with this cancer, try and spend as much time as possible with them. For the time goes by way, way, too fast. Peace to all. May God be with you
April 12, 2008 at 8:32 pm
hello to all,
my heart felt support goes out to everyone who has experienced and survived witnessing this horrible cancer. My sister-in-law was dx 12-31-08.
She was admitted into a hospice house on Tuesday. What Wonderful professionals.
I am familiar with the loss of loved ones, but I have never witnessed such a cruel disease. Cindy has not eaten since last Sunday. She only sips water to keep her mouth moist. She can not converse. Her color is very yellow because her liver is beginning to shut down from the PC that moved to the liver. What an incredibly helpless feeling.
Cindy is 56, has three adult children, two brothers, a sister, and parents who love her so much. This waiting for death….is indescribable, as you know. Peace to all….. Let you spirit soar
cc
April 14, 2008 at 9:08 pm
Gosh. These stories are so sad. I sympathize with all of you who have lost loved ones to PC. I just came here because my neighbor was diagnosed recently. She’s around 65 and is given between 2 weeks and 2 months to live. Looking across the street now, her driveway is flooded with cars. Losing a neighbor that I really don’t know doesn’t compare with losing a close friend or family member, but at least you can know that your loved one was surrounded by friends and relatives before they left. I think the really sad cases are the ones in which a person dies alone in a hospital, with no one to remember them.
April 15, 2008 at 4:59 pm
My father passed away on September 14th 2007 at the age of 56. He was diagnosed on July 14 and exactly two months later he died. He was a tremendous, intelligent and caring father that never stopped loving his three girls. There is not a day that goes buy, where I think of him, feel his presence or remember him. He is always with me, passed on through others kindness, through the Monarch Butterflies and through LOVE. I feel everyones pain, and I understand just how precious life is now……..I miss you daddy, BUT, I know you are still here! Be strong everyone….
April 25, 2008 at 2:30 am
My father passed away from pancreatic cancer March 30, 2008. I miss him so much. He was amy anchor when my husband passed away from colon cancer three years ago at the age of 55. My Dad broke his hip in June of 2007. He never got to go home again. He was 88 years old. He was on morphine every hour at the end. My brother, sister, my daughter and I talked to him before he died. We told him it was okay to let go. We told him we would take care of my mom. He couldn’t talk or open his eyes but he moved his mouth and raised and lowered his eyebrows. We told him it was okay to go home to be with the Lord. He passed away at 6:25 a.m. that Sunday morning. I will always love you Daddy and I will see you again when it is my time to come home to our Lord and Savior. We are taking care of Mom so don’t worry. We will be okay.
April 26, 2008 at 12:00 am
My mother passed away from pancreatic cancer when i was 8 years old. its actualy a quite heat warming story despite the not to good outcome. I am 18 years old now and she passed about 10 years ago. She was first diagnosed after my brother was born (i have 3 brothers) 3 years before i was born. She went through the chemo sessions and the doctors told her that she had less than 2 months to live, after about 4(ish) months the cancer seemed to become stable and no longer growing and it was at this point that surgery and yet more chemo therapy seemed to have magicly “cured” her. The cancer seemed to have dissappeared off the face of the earth, or so she thought. Two years later i was born!! She, on and off from when i was about 3 till i was about 7 expeperienced bouts of unexplainable illnesses. Just after i turned 8 years old she became very very ill with something that doctors couldnt explain and claimed wasnt cancer. After more and more and more testing it turned up that it WAS cancer and that it had relapsed and taken over everything. I remember one specific night, the night she passed away. She was home in my house and the family was over. My father called all four of us boys, ages 8-11-14-15, up into his room. And he told us what our mother had just told him. She said “i have lasted 10 years, fought all i can, and raised 4 lovely boys, i cant hold on much longer” and he told us all that he would have alot of explaining to do over the next few days but we needed to say goodbye to her. As all four of us and my father sat on her bed and she told us she loved us you could see the tears of pain and agony running down her face. and my father said stop crying and “let go and let god” and there, at that moment, she passed away. It was THE MOST moving thing I WILL EVER experience in my life. And my father had told me that over the past few weeks she had been saying that she wasnt going to last much longer that she was getting weak and couldnt fight much longer. He went on to tell us about how he told her that he was meerly “someone in the corner of the ring in this heavy weight boxing match that she, not he, was fighting” (a “paulie” from rocky) He said that he told her he would do everything he could, spend every dollar untill she said enough. And explained that she had told him “enough”. I cant even begin to explain the feelings of emotion that i feel from this. Most of it prowess and smiles but still with a feeling of loss. I tell my story to try and add a sense of reality to the topic of cancer. No matter how unfortunate the circumstances there is always a lesson to be learned and no matter how great the odds seem against you there is always a “crack, or seem” of goodness. She survived 10 years! Created Me! Sure, she could have given up the first go around. And i wouldnt have happend. So me being a SOMEWHAT (aka go to church on holidays, maybe here and there regularly) catholic believe that everything happens for a reason and that allthough somthing may be destined to happen the strength of will can still change the future.
I hope you may all too see things in a different light. Good Luck
May 10, 2008 at 3:30 am
My mom was diagnosed with pc 3 weeks ago, lost her last night… she was my everything, my friend, mother, advisor… I miss her so much… life will be hard without her… feel like I’m dreaming all this…
May 15, 2008 at 12:45 am
On May 19th 2005 my father passed away from PC. It is a horrible horrible disease and I hate to hear of anyone else having it. They tried to tell us that he would go peacefully but that was so not the case…I am a nurse and I have never seen anyone go as violently as he did. I miss my daddy every single day and it has almost been three years. I also lost a friend to PC Dave Panella…I used to talk to him about my dad and he was so wonderful to talk to. I am tired of there being so little research and funding for this horrible beast…I guess a president hasnt died of it yet so it gets too little attention. I am bitter about it and the hospice we had was awful…I wanted to knock them out…I took care of him though and I know that he knows that I love him…I miss and love you daddy…
May 15, 2008 at 12:49 am
None of you are alone, believe me. When such a terrible disease strikes someone you love so dearly, we often have nowhere else to run but the internet. Too all of you who have or have lost someone to pancreatic cancer, at this very moment, day after day, I feel for you. I lost my Father Dennis to Pancreatic cancer in September of 2007. I just got out of the Army 2 years before and became best friends with him until this nasty, bitch fucking cancer tore him away from me, his grandson and entire family. Every time I think about him, all I can do is shake my head. I too hate pancreatic cancer. I fucking miss you, man.
June 3, 2008 at 3:43 am
I posted a few months ago and came back here today because I thought about my Dad really hard today… about my visits with him while he was getting sicker and sicker. This page is such a comfort, because I know you all hate pancreatic cancer as much as I do. It’s much more heartfelt when you know someone knows exactly what you went through. My dad, Frank, was a wonderful person who died January 21, 2006 while I whispered in his ear “You will always be my favorite guy.”
I honor him and all of your loved ones tonight.
CCC
June 8, 2008 at 11:21 pm
Just wanted to say this cancer steals people from us way too damned young. My daughters lost their grandpa to this. He used to drive 3 hours to see them dance in a recital for 5 minutes. The last smile he gave anyone he gave to them. They still cry about him once a week and it’s been almost a year. God I wish we could do research with stem cells to make progress on this ugly and wicked beast. Bless you.
June 10, 2008 at 12:19 am
God bless to all who have lost loved ones to this desbicable disease. Right now I’m on the internet trying to find some answers on how to make my sister in law more comfortable. She was dx in April. I think hospice might help but how do you bring it up? She lost her younger sister to PC last year, apparently it runs in her family. How bad does that suck. Just last year she was taking care of her sister so now she knows exactly what is going to happen to her….it is almost too much to bear.
June 13, 2008 at 9:25 am
All cancer is evil, but Pancreatic cancer is the most cruel - I am 49 and just lost my beautiful Mum yesterday at 2.50am. She IS my best friend and I am utterly devastated. After 8 months of ’stupid’ investigations they finally did a CT scan - result PC stage 1V diagnosed on 24th Aug 2007, Mum was given weeks. My Mum endured a chemo trial and hundreds of needles in her arms for my sake, she fought stoically and courageously. I watched my 80 year old Mum who was a ‘young’ fit and healthy lady deteriorate to a shell, on Tuesday night she was in agony and I was sobbing with helplessness. Mum was breathless and ached everywhere, she didn’t know where to put herself. I watched her die, she kept saying my name over and over and told me she was sorry as she didn’t think she was going to get over this - it was not ‘peaceful’ and I cannot get the last images out of my head. My dear beloved Mum………..life is so empty………….
Yes you’re right - someone said - bad things do happen to good people - my Mum was kind and gentle and always thinking of others, she is my soul mate.
I think Pancreatic Cancer shoule be highlighted more as not many people know what a killer it is.
God Bless all of you who have suffered as I am suffering now. xxxxx God Bless you Mum - I love you with all my heart xxx
June 17, 2008 at 12:14 am
My dad was diagnosed with PC 18th April 08 and passed away 19th May 08. 1 day and 1 month he lived. I am still coming to terms that he is no longer here and that he had to die the way he did. He was 66 years old, fit and ate all the right foods. There needs to be more research made into this disease as once it gets hold of you there is no time for anything. He didnt even get a chance of having chemo. We were told he had 3 - 6 months to live, not even close. Although I live interstate from my family we saw each other every 6 - 8 weeks for a week or two at a time. My two boys almost 3 (twins) were the apple of my dad’s eyes, vica versa. This is one of the saddest things about it, is all he wanted to do was to see the boys turn 21. We had only been down there to visit 2 weeks before. He was admitted to hospital on the Thursday as he was having trouble breathing, from Thursday til we got there Sunday he had detiorated terribly. He fought all the way til the end, never shed a tear. He waited til we got there to see the boys for one last time. He passed 27 hours after my arrival with my mum, my neice and I by his side. I will never forget how much I wanted him to just go to sleep and no longer be in pain. I feel for all of you who have lost and who have this terrible disease.
Rest now dad, love you allways xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
June 20, 2008 at 8:57 pm
Like everyone else, I too lost my mother to PC. She had been a diabetic for over 30 years and controlling her sugar level was a nightmare,but she tried as best she could. My mother passed on May 27th,2008. We knew she she wasn’t feeling well and complaining about her back and the pain,but we thought she had pulled a muscle from a recent vacation. We took her to the ER and the next day they did a CT scan and found a 6mm lump in her liver. They wanted a biopsy,but her blood was too thin. They gave her 8 bags of plasma over three days and then they decided to transfer her to a major university hospital. The biopsy was done on a Friday,she was released on Saturday to a nursing home. On Sunday,my father saw a vision from God and got her home that day. She died at home in her bed 2 days later. The sad part is no doctor ever confirmed pancreatic cancer until after her death. The results came back the day she died. A hospice nurse that was working at the hospital told me that my mother was terminally ill and that the doctors would not tall me until they were 100% sure. She knew,as she had seen the chart and was a hospice nurse for 8 years. I thanked her,called my sisters,told my dad and from that day forward until she died we did anything she needed and never left her alone. I never told her she was dying because I knew she couldn’t handle it. My mom waited for my sister coming from Missouri to drive into the driveway in AZ. She glanced at her,opened her eye and gave three last breaths I will never forget the sound. She never cried about the pain. I am glad that God answered my one paryer: The Monday night before she passed,I told him I knew he had to take her,but please do not make her suffer and do it soon. Within 24 hours she was gone. I know he has her and she is cancer and pain free. Intresting and yet confusing and I may never have an answer. My mom was having a conversation with my dad and in mid sentence she told him the pain was bad and then she went unconsciouness. The coroner ruled heart failure,but she didn’t have any symptoms of a heart attack. She just closed her eyes and went into very shallow breaths until my sister came into the room,which was a minute or two after closing her eyes. I truly believe she waited to make sure my sister was home safely and then when she knew,she let go and God brought her home. Life is difficult and I am guessing only time can help. I have emotions running through my head that I never knew I had. Amazing how people take life for granted and all we want is another day with the one we lost.
June 26, 2008 at 1:31 pm
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July 26, 2008 at 2:08 am
I just read the story about Randy Paush and it brought me to tears. In 2 days it will be 2 years that my wonderful father died. He was diagnosed in June of 2006 and died in July 2006 - I only got a few weeks to say goodby to such a wonderful man. I think not a moment goes by that my family misses him. He was so much a part of our lives. In that year, I must say God did bless me with sharing special moments with him. I bought him for Christmas a ticket to the Food Network Food and Wine festival. He loved to cook and learn new things. I never saw him so happy. We truly enjoyed that event and it is something I will always carry in my heart. Also, that March he decided to take the day off and go to Grandparents day at my children’s school. He always worked so hard when we were growing up, but was always there for the us and the grandkids. I like to think that God told him to spend some “quality time” with my mom and my children. I have a picture of my parents with my 2 beautiful children on that day. My dad has a big smile and the four of them are so happy. It is one of my favorite pictures. I also have the last family portrait taken only 2 months before he died. We celebrated my son’s First Communion. The whole family was there and it was a special day - Again I thank God for those memories. I must agree that Pancreatic Cancer SUCKS - but my father believed that he lived a good life and faced his death with dignity. One day he was talking and the next he just fell asleep. I can only hope to have such a peaceful death when facing a truly painful and horrible disease. We thougth he had 6 months so I had to go away for work. But towards the end of 2 weeks of training, I had to rush home because the Dr’s said he was going to die any day. I had 7 days to tell him that I was so proud that he was my Dad. He said why, he was just an ordinary man, and I said no he wasn’t. I must say that both he and us expected a long, painful death. But again God was smiling on him and allowed him to have little pain and just fall asleep with all his family beside him. Even after almost 2 years, I still cry. I cry even writing this knowing that he will never see his 3rd grandchild, or see my daughter start High School and my son Middle School next year. However, we have had some positive come out of this. My brother decided after 15 years of marriage to have a child. He told my father of their plans before he died. I think that my dad’s illness put things into perspective for them. I also believe, that my Dad is our guardian angel and looking after us. Even though my sister-in-law is considered a high risk pregnancy, she has had an easy time and is due in October. It will be a boy, and now the family name will live on. I hope he looks like my dad. I know that my son has so much of him, it makes me think that he is still around. He loves to give hugs and tell you he loves you, just like my father use to. I think at times that it is partly my dad giving me the hugs too. My daughter also misses my dad so much. Even after 2 years sleeps with my father’s last shirt in her bed, just to feel him around. She even makes sure that my mom is not lonely and goes over and spends the night often. It is just a testiment to the fact that my father and mother were always there for us. It kills me that so little money is spent to cure the 4TH LEADING CANCER. - How many more beautiful people have to die before more is done to cure this.